I Am Still Here

Strangely enough, I have been writing quite a lot, just not here. Inside my head I have so much writing to do that there isn't time for any of it. Also, I am enjoying the complete secrecy of Penzu and find my nervousness about writing finding its way into the public domain is growing. I have always resisted writing letters, or if I have written them, it's a bugger to actual get myself to post them. Something about writing feels so powerful and 'final' as if I will be held to account for any trivial thing I commit to the page. Hence, my eternal writer's block. As long as I am not actually 'doing' anything, I can sneak up on writing and get some 'unattached' stuff out there. But as soon as serious intent enters the picture, I am frozen. Parts of me stop listening to other parts of me. I lose control and most of my personal credibility with it. It's worse than finding your knicker elastic has stopped working. Humiliating, but in a very personal way. No one else can feel it like you do. Anyway, I am beginning to feel a little exposed so that's it for today. I need to think about why writing makes me so nervous. Angels x